Grandpa
Troll

Long before the bull runs, before the bear markets, before the very first jpeg ever made a man rich — there was Grandpa Troll. Rockin' in his chair, sippin' his tea, watchin' the kids on the internet rediscover what he'd been doin' since dial-up.

He's seen every cycle. He's outlived every rug. The wrinkles on his face? Each one's a chart he called perfectly. The cane in his hand? That's the same one he used to poke bears with back in '08. And that grin — oh that grin — it's the grin of a man who knows exactly how this story ends.

$GPATROLL is his retirement plan. It's also yours. Welcome to the porch.